Holy fucking shit people, I just found four potatoes under my sink. Perhaps I should elaborate. I just found the remains of four potatoes that I had forgotten about. I'm pretty sure that I purchased these potatoes for consumption in late May, and I had completely forgotten that they were under my sink. I put them there because potatoes like dark cool places, and under my kitchen sink is the darkest coolest place in the apartment. Yuck yuck shitty yuck. Two of the potatoes seemed to be in good shape, but the other two were liquid. Like the soylent pink ooze of the dead in The Matrix. Which makes me think that the machines did a lot of cleaning, filtering, and coloring with Red No. 6 to get this pink gel color, because these potatoes were not pink or even potato-colored anymore; it was black potato decomposition. Black filthy sludge in a clear plastic vegetable bag under my sink. But that wasn't the worst part. Oh no it wasn't. I picked up the bag to throw it away and suddenly there was the movement of hundreds of tiny flying insects. Like gnats, but not gnats. These were evil in the making. I don't know what they were, but if it had been meat instead of potatoes, they would have been maggots. These gnats were the equivalent of maggots. Potato Maggots. I was instantly sickened. I threw the bag in the trash and tied the trash bag closed quickly, so as to not let any of these Potato Maggots free. Then I took the bag out to the dumpster. What surprises me the most, however, is that rotten liquefied potatoes have no bad smell. They actually don't have any smell at all. They had less fragrance than a fresh potato. If they had though, I probably would have noticed much sooner. Like August.