I would have to say that I don't particularly feel like an artist anymore. If my faculty wants to take my show away from me, that's fine. If they want to bitch me out, I'll deal. If they want to put me on probation, I'll cope. If they want to kick me out, I'll adjust. For the last three semesters all that I've been working on are paper projects. Every three weeks I would pump out a whole new canon of work. Half-realized ideas and thematic impotence. Now that I've got a real show to work on, they want me to pump out the work on the same schedule. I don't even begin to flirt with going into the shop for another month. The fucking show itself hasn't even been cast yet. They want me to pump out these ideas and then discuss them intelligently and articulately. How in the hell am I supposed to discuss something intelligently and articulately when you aren't even giving me the time to incubate an idea. It's like I have a carton full of eggs. Each egg is a new idea. And they keep cracking them open, pouring out the yolk and the white, expecting a chicken. You don't get a fucking chicken until you've let the idea develop. I've reached the point where it could be argued that I don't care what they think of me, my attitude, my time management skills, my collaboration, anything. I'm tired of feigning happiness during class. I'm tired of accepting their criticism without a fight. I would like to point out that I had great collaboration with John, Shadow, Andy, and Anna during Finding Home last year. I designed 15 1969-period costumes for 5 actors with a $100 budget, including a gorgeous completely athentic Vietnam era "Class A" uniform. Did any of my faculty even bother to see the show? Nope. Now everyone's griping about my research. Where's the research? What does this look like? What is that? It looks exactly like I fucking drew it! That's what it is. Is a xerox of a photograph going to make that coat/hat/suit any more real? I don't fucking think so. Congratu-fucking-lations! You know have a picture of a coat/hat/suit and the drawing I made from the coat/hat/suit. I hope that fucking helps your visualisation. Oh what does that suitcoat really look like? Well I'd love to bring in a picture, but I made it up! That's right! Until I drew it, this item did not exist at all! I can't bring you a fucking picture of research, because you're looking at it already. Yep, That's the only fucking picture in the world of that coat! Fuck research. Fuck it with a broken bottle.