It bothers me that what I eat isn't always de-nutrified as well as I expect my body to process it. I mean, my body has had 27 years of experience breaking down food -- it should be a well-oiled machine by now. Emphasis on the oil, considering my current diet of unhealthiness. Yesterday I went to the bathroom, and it smelled exactly like the Chinese Food that I had eaten for lunch the day earlier. Everything. Gas, movements, expellations of all sorts smelled the same. Everytime I was alone, or in my car, or wherever, and my body decided to release by-products of my greasy asian meal... it still smelled like Lo Mein and Eggrolls. Now honestly, that's totally disgusting, but I'm not sure what's worse. That all of this bowel related tomfoolery still smelled edible, or that I'm sharing it with the entire world. I apologize in retrospect. Oh well. The internet helps out the socially awkward by giving them a place to "socialize" like a normal human being. Forums and blogs give misguided individuals the chance to learn how to speak about themselves. It fosters and nurtures conversational interaction... sort of. Basically it helps extro the introverts and teaches them how to talk about that personal information that is usually only reserved for drunken symposiums at a local bar, with only close friends in attendance. Today at Whataburger, some stupid young professional woman with unfortunate hips, too short legs, a too long waist, and a general slumped lankiness that comes from working at a computer all day was talking to her friend about checking soda machines for disease, uncleanliness, and bacteria. See what you're supposed to do is take a straw and place it into the fountain nozzle and do something magical. I'm pretty sure she didn't know what, but she probably saw such advice on the "On Your Side" segment of the nightly news. Based on the straw tip you can tell how dirty the machine is... or something. I'm rather positive that this girl has never worked in the food service industry. Soda Fountains have to have the nozzles cleaned nightly or they stop working from the dried syrup. I'm also sure that she's no Howard Hughes -- that she can't see bacteria on the straw tip with her naked eye. Of course, the bigger problem here is a Catch-22 of sorts. If you can see fountain dirtiness on the straw who's to say the machine is full of disease, and if you can't see anything there who's to say it isn't. And really, if you're that concerned about the cleanliness of things going into your mouth, then you probably shouldn't be eating at a fast food restaurant anyway. It's not a hospital. It's an entire building with the sole purpose of providing things that bacteria enjoy snacking on. I hope she gets diarrhea.