the monkey manifesto: adventure

So I'm doing the match.com thing right now... why not I suppose. I feel that everybody in the entire world should registered. It would make matching up personalities and whatnot so much easier. Right now, the best percentage I'm getting on personality is 79%.

Seventy-Nine Percent!

That's a "C"!

And that's not only when I'm checking out the immediate Dallas area; that 79% is nationwide as well. Distressing. And then there's the whole "terrible profile" thing. I think that I have a pretty decent profile up. Well-thought answers. Pretty good pictures -- unfortunately, none with a good hearty smile, because frankly, in still photograph form my smile could be mistaken for hoarding acorns for the winter. Like I'm a fucking squirrel. It's good in real life, but not on film... at least not right now. Maybe after the summer. But then there are these girls... so lazy... they put up a picture and that's supposed to do it I guess. All of their answers are No Answer, No Answer, No Answer, No Answer... Any, Any, Any, Any, Any... Height: 3'0" (91.4 cms) to 8'0" (243.8 cms)

pretty much all they're asking for is a warm body...

And then these girls have the audacity to say:

Of course, even though I found several of you attractive, I can't make the first move since it's not my place. I am pretty traditional when it comes to dating.

Translation: Even though I found several of you attractive, I can't make the first move because I don't want to pay. I'm expecting you to pay for a subscription, and then when you try to talk to me I'll turn you down because I'll look at your profile and realize that I'm not as indifferent as I formally stated. Only hotties with toned bodies and 150,000+ a year jobs need apply... but not until you've contacted me first.

Um, here's a fucking newsflash, those guys don't use online dating because they don't need to. They're up to their fucking necks in poon.

Not that I'm equating having poon to having love... but when you're up to your neck in it... it's probably about the same.

So I've received 6 Winks so far. Not too bad, but nothing to brag about. Especially when 3 of the six don't put a picture in their profile. So, if you're going to try the online dating thing, you had better have a picture up. 80% of the population that uses online dating won't even look at your profile if there's no picture. Those other 20% are just bored. Also of the three that had no pics, one girl described herself as having "a dark side" and she really loves "rennaissance fairs"...

Deleted.

That was pretty much par for the course.

Once we get past the having or not having of the picture, and whether or not the picture appeals to me, well then, I'm rather open. Except for the four following categories.

1. Divorcees
2. Mothers
3. Widows
4. Catholics

"But Michel!" You might exclaim, "Those are pretty shallow reasons."

Shallow?... yes... yes they are... but a man has got to have limits.

1. Divorcees

Damaged goods. If you're between the ages of 21 and 26 and already divorced... well then you have a propensity for poor decision-making.

2. Mothers

Damaged Goods. I'm not looking for a "virgin," but once again I chalk your decision-making up to "Sucky." Hello? Condoms and Diaphragms. They are easily purchased and even more easily worn...

3. Widows

I'll never be as good as the first. I will get constant comparison... and also, you were married which is just the same as 1. -- Damaged Goods.

4. Catholics

No thanks. I've had my fill.

So pretty much, I'm not down with the Damaged Goods and the Fanatics. Other than that I'm not too picky...

No... I'm pretty picky.